What do I mean by spirituality? Two things:

1. That there is some unifying power (love, Christ, God, Buddha, Grandfather, Higher Power, Goddess, Source, etc.) in the universe. As far as I can tell, the actual name makes no difference (they are all good names), the feelings or intent behind them does make a difference. The pure intent needs to be of love, service, inclusiveness, empathy, humility, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and healing. A very powerful and positive feeling that all those names of unifying powers embody. The factors which cloud the intent  include things like self-interest, ego, comparison,  exclusiveness, competition, fear, judgment, guilt, shame or prestige.

2. That life follows some purposeful course and is not merely a sequence of random, unrelated events. Meaning, that unifying power, in some way, guides what happens in the universe in a very loving, forgiving, nurturing and accepting way. The guidance can also include things like pain, suffering and death. The pain and suffering are allowed in order to help us grow in things like love and forgiveness. That has certainly been so in my case. This power guides all things (not merely humans and including animate and supposedly inanimate things) in the universe and transcends human words and values.

I should probably clarify some terms in order to eliminate potential misunderstanding. When I say love I mean a strong feeling of a desire and a willingness to help someone else grow spiritually or emotionally without thought about the cost to oneself. I wish to emphasize that this includes nothing about what a person gets in return. This concept also says nothing about sex, which is sometimes viewed as a vital part of love. If two people are in a loving relationship, they spontaneously give to each other, a beautiful thing to be part of.

The other terms that I wish to clarify are inclusiveness and acceptance. I actually mean all things and all people. When Christ or the saints say that God’s kingdom is open to all, I believe that they mean all, not just Christians. The same applies to other disciplines.

I see all events, pleasant and unpleasant, as having some loving purpose and I believe that purpose is learning to give and receive love. Incidentally, this very idea irritated me for some time and it may do the same for you! I should also point out that I do not state this as a person who has not personally known pain, suffering and fear - I have felt them all in fair measure. The reality of pain or fear certainly makes the loving purpose hard to see at that time, but it is still there.

Another question is why believe in anything at all? I have had my life saved several times in what would be considered miraculous ways. I have witnessed and been a part of miraculous healings. Within the sweat lodge many things that fall outside of the normal laws of physics occur in order to help people. Not to mention some of the events that happen to each of us in our daily lives that help us in just the right way and at just the right time. I also see this sort of thing going on in nature all around me. I can and want to believe in a power that does these things, regardless of what name you care to put on it. Connecting with that power and living accordingly also helps me physically, emotionally and spiritually. At this point, it is the main focus of my life. A life that is very fulfilling and wondrous beyond words as a result of that connection. Being part of that power can change your life in a similar manner and if everyone acted and believed according to these ideals, it would make a dramatic change in how we treat each other and our planet.

Initially, 20 years ago, when I started this process, my spiritual connection was minimal or non-existent, depending on how broadly you define it. I had a very troubled life up to that point. I had quit drinking and joined a recovery program about 2 ½ years earlier and began working out some of my problems at that time, but I was still hurt, angry and scared. I was also full of attachments, fears and desires. I enjoyed (was addicted to?) the drama. I would like to point out that in spite of these distractions, the healing techniques I mention in the section on holistic healing were still effective. They became more effective over time as I worked out my problems and my focus became more clear and uncluttered by attachments.

How a person makes their connection with that power is up to them. Though the process does seem to require some type of faith, giving up a belief in things of this world and sticking with a spiritual path/discipline of choice. As far as I can tell, my path has no name or single earthly leader, but my devotion and willingness are total.  Many of the ideas expressed hear can also be found in Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth; St. Teresa of Avila's Life of Prayer ; Thomas Dubay, S.M.'s Fire Within and Irene Claremont  de Castillejo's Knowing Woman.

I will now summarize what happened with me.

The process began a short time after I initially got clean and sober. I was having some sort of a problem which I thought very important but I had no solution for. Someone suggested that I simply ask for help (if they had suggested prayer or meditation I would have been condescendingly angry and frustrated with them). So I asked for help, did what seemed right and things worked out! I continued asking for help and guidance and began calling it prayer and meditation. I think of what is right as feeling like a clear mountain stream and what is wrong as feeling like a turbid lake. The ideas that feel right generally include things like; love, forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, understanding, truthfulness, empathy, humility, true pride, inclusiveness and service to others. The ideas that feel wrong generally include things like; judgments, resentments, false pride, ego, self-centeredness, lying, exclusion and selfishness.

For several years after my initial experience, mentioned above, the feelings and my connection simply got stronger and gradually my faith and trust grew. When I became disabled, during my meditation, I would go to a place I called La-La land, a place between being asleep and being awake. At some point La-La land took on the characteristics of love, forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, understanding, truthfulness, empathy, humility, true pride and inclusiveness (for a vivid, beautiful and passionate description of this place, which she also calls La-La land, please check out Dr. Jill BolteTaylor's March 2008 TED TALK) . Ultimately, my meditation and prayer led me to a place which is extremely intense and way beyond words, though some do much better with the words than I do. I also began to experience what some would call miracles others would say being touched by God. Along the way I have given up many attachments and attitudes that blocked me from having the connection I desired and learned to depend on. I now lead what many would call a disciplined life, though I do not see it that way. I simply want a life of joy and fulfillment and will do what is necessary to achieve it.

At this point I spend a good deal of time each day in communion with the force or power that many call God and my life is oriented at following that path. A good part of my life and that path is being of service to others. I have adopted the characteristics which I encountered; love, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, being of service and inclusiveness. I go to what I call the “God place” every day when I pray and meditate. My service work consists largely of helping others get to a place of harmony with their own body-mind-spirits.  I also help them make that harmony a part of their daily lives. At this point, my life is incredibly fulfilling and I feel “touched by God” much of the time, a feeling that is impossible to adequately describe. It’s a great way to live!  More importantly, if enough others discovered the same things, it could dramatically change what happens on this planet.

Whenever I approach any sort of potential action, I ask myself three questions:

1.  Would I do this in front of God?                                                        

2.  Is my name really on it?  Meaning, is it really my responsibility?

3.  Will this increase the integrity of the universe?  Meaning, is this the loving thing to do?  Love is always honest, compassionate, understanding, unselfish and open.

If I sense/hear a "no" to any of these questions, I do not do it.  I certainly realize that truly evaluating each of these questions requires what most people call discipline.  It does not feel like discipline to me since I strive for (and often achieve) a life of total harmony, peace and love.  I also want to know and feel that I am connected to all things and everyone.  Saying or knowing yes to these questions is part of that.

I also try not to participate in the things that feel wrong to me which include some religious activities, materialism, overeating, caffeine, nicotine and vegging out with TV . I do participate in the activities that feel right, which has led me to the things I mention in this web site! That is probably why all the self care I do doesn’t feel like discipline - it feels right and increases my spiritual connection.

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